Indian Baby Ceremony

Last night I had the pleasure of going to an Indian baby shower for a woman in Seema's neighborhood. [Seema is one of our in-country directors. She is amazingly generous and cares so much about us. She also likes to take us out places so we can be exposed to more Indian culture]


An Indian baby shower is very different from a Western one. Here, the families of the mother and father -to be host a small ceremony where friends can come and bless the mother and father. Guests also bring gifts for the mother such as bangles and jewelry because they think that if the mother is pleased, then the baby will be happy too. It is also believed that if the mother wears many bangles then the baby can hear them clinking and it will know that it is welcomed.

Carrie and I were ecstatic that Seema wanted to take us to something so significant in a persons life and as usual we were grateful to her for asking in advance if we could take pics :)
At first, we were apprehensive about going. We know what kind of reaction we elicit when we go places; Americans wearing Indian dress, showing up where everyone is not used to seeing white people... we usually manage to become the center of attention. The last thing we wanted was to steal the spotlight from the pregnant guest of honor. But Seema insisted, and we know now that if an Indian extends an invitation, you had better not decline...



This particular baby-welcoming ceremony was not like usual as Seema informed us. Apparently the marriage of the two people having the baby had caused a bit of a scandal in the neighborhood. This is because the two did not have an arranged marriage which is the usual custom. Instead the two eloped and got married in secret because he is a Christian man and she comes from a Hindi family. Even now, one year after the secret wedding, the two families don't completely accept the nuptials and even the girls parents chose to be absent from the ceremony to show their displeasure.


After hearing this I felt sorry for Preeta. It seems as though her family abandoned her when she needed them the most. But that's really not the way they see it. Apparently it would have even been more auspicious if Preeta's parents had attended even if they wanted to. Since the marriage was not arranged by them, then they have little ties with how the marriage is carried out.


Either way, it was a delicate situation because it was the first time both of the families were even meeting each other (minus Preeta's parents of course). Upon hearing this, I realized why Seema had encouraged us to come. I think Carrie and I were used as a buffer to break some awkward tensions that arose between guests. More than a few times, Seema approached groups of ladies and introduced s and told us to say hi in the few words of Tamil that we knew. Also the girls family was seated on one side and the mans family was on the other side and when we showed up, Carried and I were seated in the middle of the crowd. This of course, encouraged mingling because ladies and little girls approached us to say hi and ask our names.

Glad I could be of service. :)


All scandal aside, it was a beautiful ceremony. The extended family prepared lots of food and delicacies and placed them out at the feet of the mother. These are gifts for her and also a way for the family to show off their wealth and show that the baby will be born into a family with security. Guests bring other gifts such as bangles and saris. Seema was very generous, she brought 500 rupees for the couple as her offering.


Once all of the guests have arrived, the mother-to-be sits on a chair in front of all the gifts and the guests take turns going up in front and blessing her. [Usually the parents of the bride are the first to do this blessing. Oddly enough no one wanted to be the first to do it because the didn't want to seem like they were on one side or the other. So what do they do? Make the foreign girls go first to break the ice...]

So even though I didn't understand what I was doing, I took a turn preforming a blessing. One of the aunts showed me how to do it...

First I had to dip my finger in red powder and touch Preeta's cheeks. Then I had to sprinkle water on her head and place two glass bangles on each wrist. I later learned that she has to keep all the bangles on until the baby arrives; it would be bad luck to take them off. Lucky for her that is only going to be another week or so because she was already up to her elbows in the sparkly jewelry.

In return for blessing the mother-to-be, I was given a little 'party favor'. It was a banana, two glass bangles, and a little box of red talcum powder used for the dot on the forehead. It was in a large green leaf wrapped in a string of jasmine flowers. (cute huh?)






A traditional baby ceremony could go on for hours due to all the blessings and gift giving etc. However after our turn Seema wanted to leave. Her personal opinion is that these things can be unnecessarily drawn out. Also Seema said a lot of the attendees may have only been half-hearted in their blessings because they disapproved of a marriage between the two religions.


However I would have never known anything was out of the ordinary (mostly because I had no idea how these things are usually run) but also because it was still a beautiful ceremony. Preeta was absolutely stunning and couldn't stop smiling. The father-to-be was extremely gracious and offered us a bottle of orange soda before we left.

[Just a note: People in Chennai are much more conservative than the rest in India. In most other cities, inter-religious unions are very common and don't receive the same disapproval]

All in all, it was an interesting evening and gave us more exposure to the complicated and fascinating culture that is South India.


-S

---The countdown till home has begun!!